Hello!
I hope you’re well, I am now in sunny Tashkent and feel much better after a bad case of food poisoning last week. This week’s edition is on waning short-term career ambitions and trying to embrace a slightly more sane pace of life.
Two years ago, my bank account was brimming with so much cash that it was a bit of a joke. Whether it was a stroke of luck or a testament to my hard work, opportunities multiplied in my inbox. Podcasts, columns, editing, reporting — I was being pulled in countless directions. I felt like an imposter, unsure of how to handle it all. From the outside, my career seemed to be scaling unprecedented heights (especially considering its early stage), but the reality was far from glamorous.
I was holding down a full-time job, a part-time job and freelancing on top of it. My days were spent locked away in my bedroom, with stacks of Deliveroo orders accumulating outside my door. Dating became a thing of the past, and my social life suffered as I bailed on one social function after another. I’d try to give myself brief breaks, but I could never commit to them. A forced three-day trip to the seaside would involve me taking my laptop to the beach. Weekends ceased to exist as I willingly subjected myself to 70-hour work weeks.
Fast forward to today, and my life couldn't be more different.
Though it was hard to unwind myself from it, it didn’t take me long to figure out that my work-life balance two years ago was entirely unsustainable. It had pushed me to burnout, a relentless cycle repeating itself every 2-3 months. Gradually, I made adjustments and one by one, things levelled out: My part-time podcasting contract came to an end, I dropped some freelance gigs to prioritise my full-time job, and eventually mustered up the courage to ask the full-time job to move me to part-time. A few months ago I was made redundant. Now, I find myself working just a few days a week, allowing ample time for relaxation. I can do this because I’ve saved up money over the burnout years, but it won’t last forever.
The issue is that… I like it a bit too much, so much so, I’m struggling to fathom the idea of working more than this. I will have to for financial reasons, but I’m not aspiring to the aforementioned “girlboss era” (it’s laughable to even call it that). No, my goals are far simpler. I just want to live a fulfilling life and make my own modest contribution to the inevitable socialist future that awaits us.
A couple of weeks back, a tweet caught my eye. It went like this: "Someone on TikTok claimed that the more they healed, the less ambitious they became." Though these words resonated a bit in that, I have taken a lot of time to “heal” (or as I see it, process difficult life events), I’m not any less ambitious. I still crave those dizzying career highs: prancing around on future book tours, doing impressive journalism, hosting panel talks and joining quirky projects that ignite my creative spark. I just need to pace myself to a level where I’m not neglecting everything else in my life: my family, partner, friends community work, a nourishing daily schedule etc. I hate to sound boring, but it seems life is all about finding that work-life balance, which is unique to every person and changes according to different life contexts.
The past year has been tumultuous, to say the least. It brought with it significant life changes, painful losses, and a series of challenges that tested my resilience. I’m still coming to terms with the ADHD diagnosis and the suspected Autism, grappling with the grief that comes with such revelations. The burnout, which began in the spring of 2022, has been long, inducing waves of brain fog and chronic fatigue. More recently, I was made redundant, which was frankly an awful experience.
Now, I hope to slowly re-emerge from a period of haze and enter a period of clarity and intention. My downtime has taught me that life is not just about reaching milestones or amassing accomplishments, but navigating complexities, experiencing the highs and lows, and finding the strength to keep moving forward. I’m glad I’m not hurtling myself towards quickly-moving goalposts anymore. I want to see my career as a long and enjoyable one, so I’m no longer interested in figuring it all out in a day.
What I enjoyed this week
I read Half Earth Socialism for hothouse book club and haven’t stopped raving about how good it is. It’s truly a hopeful look into the future and gives an insight into what saving the planet (socialism style) will involve. The authors have also created a fun and informative game on saving the planet from climate change, which you can play for free without reading the book.
Loved this clear-headed piece by my pal Yara in Huck Magazine — Pump ass not gas: Why the LGBT Awards must stop banks as well as big oil.
What I’ve been up to this week
I’ve been doing a bit more work for ACT Climate Labs. As an editor there, I work closely with a researcher who looks into climate misinformation and denial techniques. We’ve been cooking up a piece about how food is a new arena for climate misinformation and how getting ahead of it is important. If you want to get regular updates about our latest climate mis-/disinformation work, you can subscribe to the ACT newsletter by clicking here.
as someone with zero ambition in life beyond being contented, I appreciated this